The Parcel

So much effort. So much monetary investment. So much of time and love put in.

A gift. A parcel.

A relationship gone so cold you don't even know if it even still exist.


But one thing's for certain .

My love is still there and that's all that matters.

For too long , I was in pain.

I deserve happiness. Because I am so much better.

I'm worth it.

Such is the Power of the Universe!

Just last night, just before I'm due to send out The Parcel, I met my close friend who's been through this with me all the way, on the streets.
How cool is that?^^

And we talked about appreciating my gifts and my life and having enough self worth to seek positivity into my life. She's so right.

There are millions out there who are suffering and have less gifts than me.

If even they can find happiness, I shouldn't be dwelling but counting on my blessing.

My life isn't wretched. I shouldn't let it be.

The whole of this week, I've survived on next to no sleep and spending hell lot of money and effort on The Parcel.


Could have simply gotten my baby a straight off-the-shelf expensive gift.

But that'll mean nothing.

It was therapeutic to make it all my own, the customization and the process of me putting in my love.

I see it as working hard, toiling away and being determined to give this the one last final shot.

Because happiness is not easily gotten.
I got to work hard for it. For me.

The relationship is either saved , Or I've freed myself.

There was no resolution . Such was the cruelty of my Baby...

Thereby explaining the pain I'm in.


So I've sought my own.

And took ownership of my life; walking away the Bigger person and with nothing to hide, fear ot regret.

So, after this closure, I'm either back in the comforts of my baby, or

.....I am FREE.

Q ... a gift for another is a Bigger gift for myself.

Time to Get my SEXY Back

Heart Ache: The cruelty of being taken for Granted

When the lust and honeymoon period is over and you get to see the person deteriorating right before your eyes, it hurts.

Let's call this person I 've foolishly gave my heart, body and soul to, 'A'.

I'm still blindly in love btw. Just really disgruntled and disillusioned. Pain and more pain.

Lemme tell you my sad story:

1) It started when they 'A' became highly unreliable when it comes to keeping promises and staying true to their words and said-appointments.

'A' could promise to meet and cancel the appointment minutes before meeting up. Doing this over and over again , over multiple dates.

Makes you feel betrayed and like a fool. Your time , energy and effort in pushing everything else aside doesnt seem to matter .

2) Then you realise that 'A' takes conversations lightly. 'A' doesn't remember the things discussed. 'A' doesnt care the issues talked about; even the pivotal ones regarding the relationship; like how I feel or what needs to improve to make the relationship postive.

I'm always left wondering 'Didn't we have this conversation before? You talk about it like its new and surprising. You don't care or remember do you? '

3) Broken promises of 'I will call' and 'I will inform you'. Taking it lightly once again. And caring little of your schedule and waiting.

4) Lying or trying to escape a situation when confronted. What da hell is wrong in being honest? There's no deep dark secret is there?

5)Not messaging/ calling/replying me for hours and even days/weeks on end. MSN messaging is FREE. SMS is cheap and takes mere seconds to send. Calls can be a short 5 mins even just before bed time. None. Simply cannot be bothered. 'Tired' and 'busy' are but lame excuses over a lack of effort and commitment.

6) Ego and Issues. Cannot take critisms. Cannot take judgements even when all are positive and contructive. Well, YOU STARTED IT ; being the total a**. So how can I not say? Especially when I've made it clear that non of the critisms is directed at the person but at the attitude towards bending the relationship.

7) Generally being Un-Nice. Unromantic. Abrasive. Flighty. Detachment and Escapism.

8) Worst of all : Insensitive. Already the total jerk-off and still making comments like 'You should take an STD test' out of the blue or when I I bought 'A' a Xmas gift, 'A' actually said 'Is this gift new? (As in is it a recycled gift?) .

W T F .

Love is indeed blind for ... I'll say it again : I'm still blindly in love btw. Just really disgruntled and disillusioned. Pain and more pain.


*** It seems 'A' just wants the perks of a relationship. Taking and not giving.

Baby,

Love is like a bed of roses. There're the torns too when you roll over after making Love.

Q...

Why can't there be commitment to happiness?

ISSUES. Reclaiming my Dignity , I try.

Life of Bondage

Some times, GUYS REALLY C-A-N-N-O-T do certain jobs/tasks.

It's MALE BONDAGE.

It's a long and arduous road ahead. Will I last the distance?

Release me.

Please.

Q